Spring Break!

Spring Break starts this afternoon for Taryn and I! :))

We leave after she takes her last test after school today. We will drive to Mobile, AL and stay with Mike's aunt Diane and uncle Lonnie. We are going to spend some time with them after the cruise too and are looking forward to that...heard there is a good outlet and my boss is somewhere near there staying at Orange beach, so we might swing over and say hi!

Taryn got permission to miss an extra day of school, but she has to take like 3 tests today that all the teachers are giving tomorrow on the official last day of school before spring break. I'm actually surprised they gave her the excused absence. Must be because they love her so much! I hope we can be on the road by 4 pm, which will put us in Mobile sometime around 11 pm depending on traffic. There are alot of people headed that way, I am hoping to be in front of the pack.

I spent the better part of my morning looking for my stupid pair of lake Crocs. I have no idea where they are. I last saw them in August. I thought I knew exactly where they were (in the laundry room closet) or with all my summer shoes in my closet but NOOOO. I also have no idea if we will need them for the swim with the dolphin adventure in Cozumel but I wanted to be prepared. If I can't find them in the half an hour I have after school today, I will have to take a stupid pair of water socks and hope we can just do the dolphin thing barefoot. Argh!

Well, I have no time. I have to leave for preschool soon. I am dyeing Easter eggs today with the munchkins so I'm not wearing anything I'm fond of. I'm thinking Tye-Dye...it'll blend that way. Can't wait for tomorrow when we board the Carnival Fantasy!

Just a little Shaky

So far today:

I swept the kitchen...and took a little rest when I got shaky.

Then I showered, got dressed and halfway ready...and am taking a little rest because I'm shaky again. But I'm bound and determined not to spend another day in bed watching HGTV or the News because it's all just about the same old stuff for the past 3 days...the health care law passed last night which I watched get passed while I was feeling sick. So....

Sat down at my computer and looked around at the mess other people made while I was sick...and got a really shaky! Geez, I hate it when people mess up MY AREA. My mess is ok, other people's mess is just messy.

I am feeling better, but I don't have much energy to do more than to gear up for two appointments today and to start thinking about something REALLY important:

1. The appointments are at the neuro for my 3 month/aka 5 month check in & migraine meds. And then the hair cut - will it actually happen? Needless to say, neither can really be put off any longer.
2. And I'd like to just forget about the appointments, because the other thing that has been put off is Taryn & I leave on a cruise in 10 days! And we haven't even begun to think about it! What do we do?! What do we pack?! What should we be thinking about?! We need expert advice!!!

OK, now I'm definitely shaky! Can we just toss a few things in a suitcase, plug the address in my new iphone gps to Mobile and kick back for a fantastic Spring Break...or do I need to plan more than that?! HELP!!!

Keeping My Head Up

I'm keeping my head up... in more ways than one. I've been fighting a sinus infection all week, so I've been sleeping on about 3 pillows so I can breathe and have the neck ache to show for it. I really feel rotten and wish it would just go away. I just didn't feel like going to the dr with everything going on, so I self-prescribed antibiotics I had on hand (I know!) since my co-teacher has it, our director has it, and another teacher does too. I guess something nasty went thru the school.

This week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, but it helps to know there are people who love and support each other through hard times. I am especially touched that Mickie visits Emily's grave, and took Ty this year. I love the photo of the big guy hanging out with the tulips by Grandma Pete & Emily. Something about it makes me smile and stays with me even today...how can you be sad with that image in your mind?! It's much better than the lonely one I had of leaving her behind whenever we visited her back when the loss was new.

Because I was sick last Monday I had to cancel my haircut appointment and it was moved to today. I usually try save this day for me and spend it quietly with my thoughts and feelings, doing whatever I need to...thinking about my family, what I'm grateful for, how far we've come, etc. But today, I am getting the first haircut since I chopped it all off last month. It should be interesting. I decided on the chop-chop so I could grow out the color and see if I like what's underneath. This cut and the next will probably remove the majority of the brown left. I'm hoping we can take about another 3/4" off the top today, leaving about half & half. That should look hideously awkward for a month. Then we can go super short and cut the rest off completely and see what we've got. My stylist says I'll hate it, that I will look like I'm 50 and grandmotherly, and that my coloring is all wrong to carry off the look. Well, we'll see won't we?! So far, I'm loving it, have received lots of compliments, 45 this July isn't THAT far from 50 (once you're old, you're old), and I'm just not that attached to hairstyles. So, if I hate it, I figure I have a new blank canvas to play with!

Crazy Days

I do not function well when even slightly sick. Several of us teachers have sinus infections this week -weird, huh? So I self prescribed a bottle of Cipro I had on hand. I am feeling a little better a day and a half later.

"The lights are on but nobody's home" applies especially to me when I'm not feeling well. Yesterday at preschool was one flub after another. I even left a kid in the potty as I took the rest out to the playground....oops! That'll teach 'em to sit in there for 3 minutes. My attention span is apparently 1.5 minutes because I forgot all about that kid needing to go when we were lining up. As we reach the door I hear this frantic "Ms. Chrissie! Ms. Chrissie! I'm going potty!!!" And yep, the ONE time I didn't count heads...and it makes me soooo mad because I count them twice coming and going every time we go somewhere!

We're doing a unit on the Solar System. So we made astronaut pudding in ziploc bags and little bottles of tang too. Only I forgot I changed my mind on the quantity of pudding and didn't double the milk like I needed to. So we're squishing and mixing and I'm thinking this is not working at all. Then the lights came on for a brief moment and I realized everyone needed 1/4 cup more milk. Argh! So we all opened our bags, added more milk, and shook and squished some more. I was certain a bag would explode, but Murphy's Law somehow was looking the other way that time! We made a huge mess nonetheless with pudding, tang, and milk drips all over the table. At snack time we cut the corners off the baggies and slurped the pudding "astronaut style". One kid told her mom as they were leaving that we had "Rocket Ship Pudding!".

We tried and failed to have a rocket launch. Don't ask me what went wrong. Why couldn't Taryn have been there yesterday instead of last week?! I added the proper amount of vinegar. I added the scoop of soda. I put the two parts together and pushed the liftoff button. It fizzled and buzzed but the rocket was a dud. Over and over again. One kid pronounced, "this is LAME!" and I had to agree :) So we went inside to the tune of my pithy lecture that I was sure the scientists didn't succeed on their first rocket either and we would try again another day (with another teacher!).

Today is Parent-Teacher Conferences at preschool. It is much more involved standing from this side of the process than when I got my kids' preschool progress reports prior to Kindergarten. I KNOW the amount of time we have put into the reports and assessments took forever and we went the extra mile - about a marathon worth actually.

At The Frist Center

Today we went to the Frist Center to see Mariah's artwork that was one of the two chosen from her grade from her middle school. Every school in the county (elementary, middle and high school) had 2 pieces from each grade level on display. There were many mediums and it was very interesting. We learned the hard way the year Indy had art chosen it is well worth the wait and expense to go the weekend after it was FREE to all county residents and pay for it yourselves. We had the place practically to ourselves and enjoyed taking our time strolling the halls peacefully.

Here's our work of art - aren't they beautiful?!

Mariah standing by her Wall of Fame

Her polar bear on an ice floe
These people make me laugh.
Such stamina.
Such tolerance for a fun photo op in an elevator
(that is Indy's "are you serious?" face - most people wouldn't dare...)

C'mon who doesn't want their photo taken in an elevator?!

You know you want to!!!

Look at the "Can't believe that's my mom" face on Gib and Taryn. I love those moments.

And sweet Mariah. She just smiles and has fun with me. Yay Mariah!!

Ahhh, but the torture didn't end...
Let's embarrass them at Wendy's too!

Check out Gib - "What?!"

Well, I am sad to see Indie's spring break end. She is probably glad to be returning, but with a really rough schedule maybe even our craziness is preferable. She goes back to college tomorrow. It's always hard to have her here and get used to hearing her voice in the house and her footsteps echoing in the halls and then the absence of them is just really loud. I think it's just gonna be harder this week than usual.

Grief

I had a small migraine and the meds and caffeine have me all hopped up and nowhere to go until crash time. So I went through some stuff to see if anything I had would be helpful. I thought this would be a good place to start. I probably have posted this before, but it bears repeating.

Before we lost Emily, I hadn't given much thought to coping with death. We found out she was gone on St. Patrick's Day, but she wasn't delivered until the 19th. I became a changed person that very day, as did Mike, Indy and Taryn. Gib was too young, but I think he was still affected, just differently. He let me rock him alot more and he became my "best buddy" for years. At the time, it was the most horrible, heart wrenching change...completely indescribable. I lost everything that made me ME. It took years to feel like myself again and I hated knowing that process would be slow. I remember sitting on my porch one day sobbing and my neighbor came over and I tried to explain how frustrated I was that I would feel like this for so long. You don't "get over" losing a baby when another baby is born, or in a year, or two. It unfortunately stays with you for life, but you learn an oyster technique of creating a pearl out of something jagged that causes you alot of pain at first. It takes time and alot of layering, but if you try to understand grief and properly go through all of its stages you eventually get there. I remember when I did there was a lot of joy and it reminded me of when my dad used to make me stay on my bike going up the big hills. We'd pass grown men who were walking up, but my dad wouldn't let me get off the bike. Anticipating the climb, he traded me bikes at the bottom of the hill, giving me the better racing bike so I could make it. And the feeling at the top of the hill and coasting down the other side?! THAT is what it felt like when I realized that the grief was no longer a raw, jagged sharp thing in my heart and soul.

In the years since we lost Emily, I have known several people who have experienced heartbreaking loss, and have personally gone thru the stages of grief again at the loss of my father & my grandmother. One of the things I noticed the first time around with Emily is that culturally we as a people no longer experience death commonly enough to be comfortable comforting others who are bereaved. Mourning with those who mourn is a skill - seriously.

People were always saying they didn't know what to do or what to say, so they didn't say anything at all. They would either run away or stare; neither reaction helps. So, I pulled together something that was posted on an email support group I was a part of and sent it out way back in '98 and in light of recent loss, I thought I would repost it again.

THE NATURE OF GRIEF

Grief is often thought of to be a period of time in which someone is sad over the death of one with whom they had a close relationship. It is not that simple.

* Grief is not a behavior. Mourning is a behavior that occurs within grief. Generally people believe that when the socially recognized period of mourning has ended so does grief. Not true; grief continues, with episodes of mourning.
* Grief is not a condition that can be treated. Grief can precipitate deep depression and physical ailments, which are often treatable, but grief itself cannot be treated. One cannot engage in a series of exercises to "get over it".
* Grief represents a life change. When one has experienced the death of someone close to them the environment of their life changes. Just as adulthood, or marriage or a new career represents changes, grief represents change. Grief is not a desired change however. When it occurs, a person is bereaved for life.
* Bereavement is a status represented by periods of grief and mourning. (I will add that for me, in time, those periods evolved and the harshness gradually became tolerable. This time of year is always a time of bereavement for me, and every year I think this is the year it won't bother me at all, and I'm always wrong...it gets to you. Maybe not alot, but you are more sensitive, stressed, impatient, a little more brittle if that makes sense.)

Recognizing that 1) there is no time limit to grief and 2) that grief changes who a person is, makes dealing with grieving people more understandable.

Here's my advice - For Friends & Family:

It's hard to enter into mourning or grieving situations. You wonder about appropriate behaviors. To say something or not to say something...that is the question, right?! Here are some ways that might be welcomed by a bereaved person in need of your support. Ask first, it truly doesn't hurt to ask - would you like to, is it all right if, think about this and get back to me... are good ways to initiate an offer to help.

*If you are a close friend or relative go to the griever as soon as possible and offer help with day to day tasks, helping with funeral preparations if needed, screening phone calls at their house, receiving food items, keeping visitors at bay or arranging a visiting schedule, speaking with clergy concerning the wishes of the family, whatever is expressed as helpful by the grieving family.

*If you do not believe you have that relationship, visit in a week or two, or even later when visits are few and far between but the numbness and shock is wearing off and that is the time that the most healing visits are actually taking place. If you are unable to say anything, that's OK - because this is one of the appropriate times to just give a hug and say nothing for a few seconds/minutes. Let the walls come down and don't try to have a "Fix" for something that really doesn't have one for those in mourning. Just being there for however long it takes until they break away is all that you really needed to do. If you feel the need to say something - here are a few SAFE suggestions:

• I (we) are sorry for your loss
• We love you
• I (we) think about you often

There are certain statements that should not be said. If it minimizes, rationalizes, and in some cases, philosophizes the death, it is more hurtful than helpful. - You'd think saying it is enough, but I can't tell you how many years later, what I hear from people is that the hurtful comments are still being processed as part of the most painful part of the loss. So here are some of the DO NOT examples:

• Nobody wants their grief minimized i.e., "aren't you fortunate that you will see that child in heaven. people without the gospel have it so much worse". Or that the comforter admires how strong you are because they just couldn't have handled it and God must have known that you were a special person who could endure such a trial. The fact is that you don't get a choice to lay down and be weak, especially if you have other children. The Philosophizer can do the most damage. Somebody suggested that God had an important lesson for me to learn in the loss of my child. MANY years later, in a gracious mood, I suppose I can almost see what she was trying to say, but at the time it was one of the most incredibly painful and thoughtless comments - like I was such a bad person God had to take our baby to teach me a lesson. Intellectually, I knew it doesn't work like that but emotionally that comment did damage. If you are afraid you'll say the wrong thing - stay with the SAFE examples!

*Attend the funeral or memorial - your presence will be greatly appreciated.

*In the weeks and months ahead, allow and sometimes encourage the griever to talk. Use the name of the deceased to encourage the conversation.

*Accept the tears as no more shocking than the laughter. Avoid being judgemental about the person. (for example, if going to church is painful for awhile don't rush to judge that the griever is angry at God and try to solve their problem or push them into going back sooner than they are comfortable thinking they will feel better if they go. I know for me, my feelings for my Heavenly Father never changed, but certain aspects of church like people running in the opposite direction to avoid me or certain hymns unexpectedly being soul wrenching and not being prepared for the pain and tears made it difficult).

*Don't be afraid. Very few people reached out to me in the early months after our loss. Two ladies bravely asked me something that I'm sure would have seemed unthinkable to most, but I needed it. Maybe others would have declined, and that's OK too. They asked in a thoughtful, gentle way - and how they did made a difference - if it would help me to hold their baby. One was my visiting teaching companion. Her baby felt just like my babies did - a little 6 pounder. I held that baby for 2 hours and sobbed the entire time in the back of church. The best thing was that she just sat there next to me and didn't say one word for 2 hrs, occasionally reaching over and rubbing my back or shooing her husband away. Funny how I remember that :) Some time later, another lady came to my house with her baby. But her baby didn't evoke the same reaction and it was merely like holding a baby and I was done in a few minutes. I accepted both reactions and was grateful for the experiences because they both helped me. I learned I was working my way through the grief and making progress. I never wanted nor needed to hold those babies again. One layer down, many more to go.

*Understand that grief may lessen a person's efficiency in both home tasks and at work. Avoid the urge to keep the griever "busy" but do invite the griever to participate in activities.

*Mention the name of the person who died. (In our case, it was very soothing to hear Emily's name, even if it made me cry, I loved the person who was brave enough to say it, especially when so much time would go by and I never got to hear it. Think about how much a new parent hears a newborns' name compared to the shock of losing a baby and the rarity of not hearing anything about that baby who you can't stop thinking of).

*Let children talk about the one who has passed away. Depending on their age, it may be in rather painful ways for the griever. Be prepared for this, and if necessary answer and redirect them until the griever is better able to deal with questions and comments. But, be upfront and truthful so as not to cause anxiety.

*Remember birthdays or anniversaries - especially the anniversary of the death. A card or a visit at a time when most people have completely forgotten means so much to the family. (We always called it Emily's Day at our house). Expect some milestone years to be harder than others - and for the griever to enter a phase of grief and mourning leading up to anniversaries. Anticipate this and help with day to day chores or with other children to give them a break and a chance to meditate on their feelings.

*Help find a way to memorialize the loved one. Salt Lake Cemetery is a joyful place on Memorial Day which I found to be very surprising and comforting. Everyone there has lost someone and is remembering their place in their life. Our children seemed to enjoy going to Emily's and Grandma Pete's grave and taking them flowers and balloons. It made her a part of their life. When we moved, we had an Emily Tree at our other house. Every year I planted daffodils at the base of the tree and pansies and then summer annuals. At this house we have a memorial garden for Emily and my Dad.

Feel free to add your comments and suggestions. This is not the be all-end all authority. Just something like I said, I gathered a long time ago and just dusted off today. Maybe it helps and I hope it doesn't hurt anyone. Sometimes that's all you can hope for.

The Quilt

Mariah finally got to give her birthday present to her best friend - The Quilt!

The party was this weekend and Mariah got to go see Mamma Mia at TPAC and stay out until midnight. What a great time she had!!!

Here it is! She worked on it with Grammy. The squares were made out of Grammy's scraps. The borders and fuzzy reverse side materials we purchased. It was a fun project for them. Grammy even made Mariah a purse out of the leftover border material and some of the fuzzy stuff! I guess if Leia needs a blankie moment at school she can come hug Mariah's purse!



Today we have no school. Nobody really knows why because I didn't put it on the calendar. Probably some Professional Development Day. It's one of those "Don't Ask Too Many Questions" things. We all just slept in and took it at face value when we got the word last week that Monday was no school. Yippeee!

But the bad news is I scheduled dentist appointments for Gib and Mariah to get some cavities taken care of. Unfortunately, I did something I've never done before...EVER. I somehow forgot their 6 month checkup. So they went an entire YEAR without seeing the dentist and reality bit us on the rear when they went in. A couple cavities for Gib; four for poor Mariah. UGH!!! I can't remember the last time anyone had a cavity. So this week is cavity filling week. Today and again Thursday I think. And the bill for that?! Double UGH.

Hey, maybe Mariah might be the one hugging that purse!

Catching Up..

I just realized it's been a LONG while since I updated the blog.

Last week was Taryn's trip to Missouri University of Science & Technology. It was her PRO weekend - which stands for Preview, Registration & Orientation. Here we are on our lunch break at Steak & Shake.

Taryn was real happy to pose for a photo.

During the PRO session, Taryn had to take 2 math placement exams which were very hard. She is, after all, going to a science & tech school! Based on the results of those tests, all the freshmen later in the day had an academic planning session with ONE parent, and one parent only. So Mike and Taryn mapped out her 1st year of college courses and schedule, met with her advisor and got it signed off. Her roomie took her to the registrar's office and together they got her enrolled in those classes. And just like that, we have another registered college student!

While most of that was happening, I amused myself with a self-guided tour of the campus and the camera!

This is where we started our PRO day.

We parents were in a large auditorium listening to several

informational sessions for a long time...

I liked this funky little house!
When Geeks Go To War....

This is a really neat building to look at in person
The camera didn't do it justice

All the satellite dishes made me smile
Taryn's a registered college student now!

And last but not least...
During the college booth fair, I first found Indy's friend Chantel who goes to MS & T, and couldn't believe out of all the people there I saw her! You know if we had tried to meet up it would've never happened so easily! I was so excited, I went right by the LDS institute booth and Mike's Delta Sig booth without seeing either, ran up to her, yelled her name and went to give her a hug. I forgot my hair was drastically different and she had this look on her face like, who is hugging me?! As soon as I started talking she knew it was me and while we were talking Mike abandoned the lunch line "we" were in and came looking for me. We had a nice chat with Chantel.

Then I turned around and Mike was talking to the Delta Sigs! Mike was so happy to see his frat brothers! After a chat with them, we started to lunch and saw a booth for the LDS institute. Since nobody was there right then and Taryn hadn't joined us yet, and we were in danger of missing lunch entirely, we came back to them later with T.


The two guys we met who were representing Institute got Taryn's #. They said they have great LDS institute, but I forget how many they said attend - maybe 30? They go to a regular ward but have their own single adult activities and alot of them. For St. Patricks Day they were all going to Nauvoo for a couple days for example.

Just before we headed home, we took up the offer to have a private tour of the new Delta Sigma Phi house. We drove over and saw the main areas and compared to the house Mike's frat had at SDSU...it's AMAZING!!! It's right inside this building in the business district down the street from the college hot spot Alex's Pizza where we ate dinner with Taryn's roomie and her family. The house has a basement that holds 200, and over 50 guys live in the house at a time. Going Greek at MS&T is very big, but it is more affordable there than what I've seen elsewhere. For the girls, it's actually $2k less per year to live in a Sorority house than it is to be in campus residential hall. Whereas, if Indy had wanted to be in a sorority, she would be paying over $2k a semester to do so and most don't get to live in the sorority house! Taryn and Katherine are considering rushing one of the 4 Sororities, with Chi Omega or Kappa Delta being main front runners in my estimation.

Mike and Taryn at the Delta Sigma Phi House