Mike's Remarks:
What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. Shakespeare would have you believe that the name is irrelevant – a rose by any other name is still a rose. So, again, What's in a Name? Maybe Nothing.... Maybe Everything....
As many of you know, I did not join the Coombs family in the traditional manner. I arrived as a foster child at the age of 11. This presents some rather stressful challenges. As a child experiencing a second divorce of parents and being placed in a few different foster homes over the previous two years, I can tell you now, we go into survival mode. What can I do to stop the madness? How do I present myself as someone they want to keep around? How can I tell if they are being genuine in who they are and not harboring resentment for my intrusion?
Now, I may not be the first to have realized or said this, but I firmly believe it to be true. "Anyone can present themselves as someone they are not in the short term. In the long term, they will always reveal who they are."
My remarks will reflect on both Art and Mignon. For me I see them as One. While individuals and certainly not without faults, they were the perfect pair. A team that worked together with one common goal. To build family ties that bind us together. We have a profound tendency as human beings to recreate, in our own adult lives, the kinds of relationships we observed as children.
As an old school child, we were taught to never call an adult by their first name. That would be disrespectful. It was Mr. & Mrs. or Brother & Sister "so n so".
The first couple of weeks with the Coombs, I found myself always seeking out my parents in person so as not to have to call out a name that I or they might find uncomfortable. At one point, I was having very little success and resorted to calling out "Yoohoo". Yes, I can laugh at that now. Mom figured out what was going on and had a very frank conversation with me. I am certain I dont have the exact wording, but it was something like this... "You can call me Mignon, Mrs. Coombs, Sister Coombs, or mom, it doesnt matter to me, but understand, we want you to be part of our family just as if you were born to us."
I refer you back to my earlier comment about survival mode. Ok, I can do this. If I call them mom and dad, maybe it will make it true. About a year later as dad and I talked about and agreed on adoption, my first thought was would it be offensive to take on the Coombs name? Would the Rogers' think it disrespectful? I even proposed changing my middle name from Lynn to Rogers. As the adoption paper work was started, dad asked me what I wanted my name to be. My survival mode kicked in... I need to go all in... and I agree to be Michael Lynn Coombs
A couple weeks after Chrissie and I were married we were having a wedding reception in Cupertino. Chrissie parents had traveled from San Diego to be part of the reception. At some point during that time, Mom overheard me call Chrissie's dad, Sherman. She pulled me aside and chastised me for not calling him Dad as a son-in-law should. From that day forward Sherman and Lynda Gibson were now mom and dad as well. I am grateful for her counsel at that time, as they truly have earned the right to be called mom and dad by me and deserve the love that it implies and means to me.
I have had the opportunity to reconnect with my natural father and mother since I came of age. They are referred to by me as Fred and Marie. No disrespect and with love for both.
Labels are personal, very personal, for both the giver and receiver. Each can have strong emotional reactions to any changes in those labels. But I think names provide us an opportunity to show love. Everyone can call you by your first name, but only a few people can call you "Mom" or "Dad." Let me be clear, what once was done to effect "survival" I now consider a privilege.
What's in a name? Montague, Capulet. Maybe nothing… Mom, Dad. Maybe everything…
Art & Mignon, It is an honor to call you mom and dad.
