Just a quick update as I am hosting the Relief Society lunch bunch here at our house in exactly 3 hrs and I have alot of picking up and cleaning to do before then! Last time it was here, about 30 people came with a ton of food and we had a good time, so I hope this will be fun too. I also really hope my kids cleaned their rooms and made their beds today!
Last Wednesday, I drove to Knoxville,TN with Taryn, Indy & Joe and his friend Adam. It was a school day off for parent teacher conferences. We went to take a tour of University Tennessee Knoxville (UTK). We had the largest group on a packed tour. Two other students from our county that go to different high schools were there too. Amazingly enough, some used to be our neighbors. Indy pointed it out to me, and I didn't see it at first, but perhaps it was because the little gal grew like 2 feet since then, I think she had to be close to 6'. They had moved away, then moved back. Indy couldn't believe I started talking to them. What?! Geez, she doesn't know me very well! They all got a good laugh when I wasn't paying attention because I was talking to the mom, and when I saw that there was only one seat left for me on the bus, I plopped down and said to my girls "hey, thanks for saving me a seat! oh well, Adam likes me!" only it wasn't Adam I said it to! Oops! That's what I get for talking and not looking where I was going. So of course, I just laugh at myself and go, "so who are you anyway?" but he didn't answer - he just looked out his window! My goodness, how anti-social can you get? I thought Joe was going to fall off his seat laughing at me.
This was our first state university visit, and we were surprised at how ugly it was. I guess starting with Belmont and Vanderbilt spoiled us. We expected to find a nice campus, and expected not to be impressed with the dorms (because Vanderbilt really spoiled us). Well the campus was icky, I dubbed the dorms Cell Block C, and both Joe and I remarked to Indy, about 15 minutes apart from each other, that nobody seemed happy there. Serioulsy, I've never seen a more unengaged, dreary, downtrodden group of people! Countenances have a lot of say and "the feel" of the place put us off. Adam liked it, but it was his first campus visit and he has friends that go there. So overall, it was a good visit to know what to cross off the list, unless they pay us to go there, and then, as Indy put it, "if the offer is more attractive than the campus, we'll revisit it". Sorry, no photos. It was soooo uninspiring that we forgot to take any!!!
2023
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
San Lorenzo
In the summer of 1969 we moved from Hayward to San Lorenzo. It is also the year I started kindergarten at Grant School. My teacher was Mrs. Comb. We only went to school for half a day; I went to the morning session. I remember the best part of class was the "Free Time" where we got to choose a station in the classroom to play at. I know I always wanted to play with the blocks. It was a popular choice, so I did not always get to do what I wanted. The worst was getting stuck in the "House" with mostly girls.
In 1970, I started 1st grade with Mrs. Bierwith. I was only in that class for a short period of time. Sometime in the Fall of that year, Grandpa and Grandma Clara came to visit. They were not Marie's natural parents, but were foster parents of Marie for a significant amount of time. For whatever reason, I went home with them to Lynnwood, California, and stayed with them and went to school there through Christmas that year. We drove the whole way, the first road trip that I can remember. I flew back home and finished the school year at Grant.
The summer of 1971, I went back to Grandma Clara's and stayed with them for most of the summer. There was a feral cat behind her house that had kittens and grandma tried and tried to get this one cute kitten to take food from her. I think she wanted to adopt it as a pet, but it never got brave enough to come close. It was here that I was first introduced to soap operas. Grandma Clara was an avid soap opera watcher. We used to watch "All My Children" with Susan Lucci as Erica Kane and "General Hospital" everyday. It is amazing that these shows are still running today. We watched "Dialing for Dollars" and "Let's Make a Deal" with Monty Hall regularly as well.
I also remember it was a summer of football trading cards with the kids across the street. Whenever we had a dime we would buy a pack of cards from the Ice Cream Truck. The standouts that I remember were, Darryl Lemonica from the Raiders and Bubba Smith from the Colts. Those were hot cards, at least to us.
Our San Lorenzo Home:
When we lived there, the garage was detached and there was no second story. It was a small 3 bedroom 1 bath home. The detached garage was huge though, it was long, it ran the length of the house. Craig used it as a workshop mostly. The big window next to the garage did not exist. It was a fence and gate that opened to a walkway between the house and the garage. The house was also white with green trim.
Blue Circle: House
Red Circle: Grant School
Green Circle: LDS Church
In 1970, I started 1st grade with Mrs. Bierwith. I was only in that class for a short period of time. Sometime in the Fall of that year, Grandpa and Grandma Clara came to visit. They were not Marie's natural parents, but were foster parents of Marie for a significant amount of time. For whatever reason, I went home with them to Lynnwood, California, and stayed with them and went to school there through Christmas that year. We drove the whole way, the first road trip that I can remember. I flew back home and finished the school year at Grant.
The summer of 1971, I went back to Grandma Clara's and stayed with them for most of the summer. There was a feral cat behind her house that had kittens and grandma tried and tried to get this one cute kitten to take food from her. I think she wanted to adopt it as a pet, but it never got brave enough to come close. It was here that I was first introduced to soap operas. Grandma Clara was an avid soap opera watcher. We used to watch "All My Children" with Susan Lucci as Erica Kane and "General Hospital" everyday. It is amazing that these shows are still running today. We watched "Dialing for Dollars" and "Let's Make a Deal" with Monty Hall regularly as well.
I also remember it was a summer of football trading cards with the kids across the street. Whenever we had a dime we would buy a pack of cards from the Ice Cream Truck. The standouts that I remember were, Darryl Lemonica from the Raiders and Bubba Smith from the Colts. Those were hot cards, at least to us.
Our San Lorenzo Home:
When we lived there, the garage was detached and there was no second story. It was a small 3 bedroom 1 bath home. The detached garage was huge though, it was long, it ran the length of the house. Craig used it as a workshop mostly. The big window next to the garage did not exist. It was a fence and gate that opened to a walkway between the house and the garage. The house was also white with green trim.
Blue Circle: House
Red Circle: Grant School
Green Circle: LDS Church
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Emily and Grandma Pete
From South Temple go north on P Street. Right on 4th. Left on Center (entrance to cemetery). Follow red line that starts on P street.
Red X is approximate location.
Red X is approximate location.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Freakishly Cool!
We decided to go on a hike! Mariah & her friend Sloan, Gib and I finally decided the time had arrived to see what is at the top of the highest hill in Cool Springs behind our house. What made it the right time? Well....there aren't any leaves yet, so I could find my way home with about 99% certainty, no ticks out yet (guess again...found one crawling up my jeans...yuck!) and a nice, sunny day! The bonus was a friend to go with us!
Here are the photos from our grand adventure. They are not in order, but oh well, this is as advanced as I get with point & click-ability. There was 2 steep parts and pretty much only a deer trail, oh and probably a patch of poison ivy, and the golf course to guide the way!
All during the "hike" Mariah's friend kept commenting on what a cool mom I was, and my absolute favorite was at the top of the hill, after a particularly funny mountain raisin joke (aka deer poop), she whispered to Mariah...."your mom is FREAKISHLY cool!". The hike was a mile or two and 5 rest stops, 31 golf balls, a pile of bones from which we salvaged a jaw bone & 2 leg-looking bones, and a rock with a built in "raisin" holder. Oh yeah, we also brought home 2 flat rocks about the size of dinner plates to add to our rock garden. At home we ended up with 3 kids soaking their feet in my bathtub until I relented and let Mariah & Sloan get in swimsuits for a bubble bath (with Gib & Taryn terrorizing the girls). We were tick free and hopefully washed off any potential poison ivy. We had french fries & pigs in a blanket for dinner. It was the best day of Spring Break! The girls did alot of girly stuff this evening that revolved around you tube funny videos, Candy Mountain, and American Idol and Paula & Simon's kiss. It was Freakishly Cool!
Almost home....too tired, can't go on....which way should we go? Oh, follow the golf course sidewalk?! There's a clue.
View from almost-the-top - the kids elementary and middle schools are right above golf course pond in the hills...look for a green roof on a red brick building. Sloan's house is in the corner of the shot (somewhere around there anyway...a golf course is between our houses).
Off on our adventure! Got plenty of water, crackers, nuts, a camera, gloves, sunglasses, hiking sticks, insect repellent, chapstick, you know, girl gear!
Water break #1 - about 100 yards into the hike
Snack break on a log in the sun...what a wonderful day! This was probably stop #3
This was at stop #1 when I foolishly let the kids collect all the golf balls they could find. I ended up with over 30 in my backpack! I thought two things 1) There must be alot of bad golfers and 2) I wonder how safe it is to be walking around here!
Rest stop #2 came with seating!
Off again - on our second hill to get to the highest point in all of Cool Springs!
BTDT
Here are the photos from our grand adventure. They are not in order, but oh well, this is as advanced as I get with point & click-ability. There was 2 steep parts and pretty much only a deer trail, oh and probably a patch of poison ivy, and the golf course to guide the way!
All during the "hike" Mariah's friend kept commenting on what a cool mom I was, and my absolute favorite was at the top of the hill, after a particularly funny mountain raisin joke (aka deer poop), she whispered to Mariah...."your mom is FREAKISHLY cool!". The hike was a mile or two and 5 rest stops, 31 golf balls, a pile of bones from which we salvaged a jaw bone & 2 leg-looking bones, and a rock with a built in "raisin" holder. Oh yeah, we also brought home 2 flat rocks about the size of dinner plates to add to our rock garden. At home we ended up with 3 kids soaking their feet in my bathtub until I relented and let Mariah & Sloan get in swimsuits for a bubble bath (with Gib & Taryn terrorizing the girls). We were tick free and hopefully washed off any potential poison ivy. We had french fries & pigs in a blanket for dinner. It was the best day of Spring Break! The girls did alot of girly stuff this evening that revolved around you tube funny videos, Candy Mountain, and American Idol and Paula & Simon's kiss. It was Freakishly Cool!
Almost home....too tired, can't go on....which way should we go? Oh, follow the golf course sidewalk?! There's a clue.
View from almost-the-top - the kids elementary and middle schools are right above golf course pond in the hills...look for a green roof on a red brick building. Sloan's house is in the corner of the shot (somewhere around there anyway...a golf course is between our houses).
Off on our adventure! Got plenty of water, crackers, nuts, a camera, gloves, sunglasses, hiking sticks, insect repellent, chapstick, you know, girl gear!
Water break #1 - about 100 yards into the hike
Snack break on a log in the sun...what a wonderful day! This was probably stop #3
This was at stop #1 when I foolishly let the kids collect all the golf balls they could find. I ended up with over 30 in my backpack! I thought two things 1) There must be alot of bad golfers and 2) I wonder how safe it is to be walking around here!
Rest stop #2 came with seating!
Off again - on our second hill to get to the highest point in all of Cool Springs!
BTDT
Going up the hill....about 4 rest stops
Coming down the hill....just this one!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Stock Market
Sold NBR (B 051229 @ 38.04 S 080320 @ 30.54) apr= -9%
Sold BWLD (B 080310 @ 20.45 S 080320 @ 24.52) apr= 716%
Why do I post stock trades?
Sold BWLD (B 080310 @ 20.45 S 080320 @ 24.52) apr= 716%
Why do I post stock trades?
Monday, March 17, 2008
Very Touched - reply to deja vu
Thank you everyone for all your comments and support & love - I had no idea that it ever crossed anyone's mind, and especially that my neices would even remember Emily because you were all pretty young then. It means alot to know you do.
Mickie - you are so sweet to offer go up to Emily's grave. Mike is going to go on Wednesday, so he's got it covered, and I think it would be a long drive after a day at work. But I so appreciate that you were willing. Mike will call me on the phone and we'll do a little long distance prayer together. I always feel kinda sad that we don't get to go on Memorial Day, and believe it or not, that SLC cemetery is one hoppin' joyful place that day, so anytime you or anyone else want to take up some picnic food and a little balloon or bouquet then so Emily and Grandma Pete get a prayer and flowers like all the others there, you'll be surrounded by people doing the same. I was amazed that people go up there like it was a tailgating party that day! I always wonder what our loved ones think of it and if they ever join us there. One time, a friend from a support group went to take flowers the first year we were here in TN and couldn't go. She said she brought a pinwheel and said a little prayer and the pinwheel started spinning even though there was no breeze. So maybe they are aware and appreciate being remembered. I really like to walk or drive around and see so many church leaders' gravestones and what they say. It's pretty cool in a cemetary-sort of way.
Trish, It's not often that other people know how special it is to have their loved ones remembered by name. Thank you so much for your words - it really meant more than I can say. I had no idea that anyone visited Emily besides us. I'm so very touched. I hope you are at the stage in this pregnancy that a fear of miscarriage is over, but I know you said at this point with KK you had to go on bed rest? Take care; I'll be praying for you and the little one. Someday, those of us who have babies, as Mike's post said, that were too pure to be on earth, gained their bodies and returned straight back to the presence of Heavenly Father will be ours to raise...and won't we all be busy then?!
Bobbie - it's so hard to not be scared for others when they are pregnant, and I know so many women in our family have had multiple losses. I always breathe a huge sigh of relief whenever any of you have your baby in your arms safe and sound. I'm so glad you thought of me and Emily while you were prego with JD, and I'm sure it was so incredibly scary going thru the health crisis you had with pregnancy. I feel sad that you can't safely have another pregnancy, but so so so relieved you have JD now. I hope in some small way, maybe being extra careful helped you. Your mom was a big help to me then, and I'm glad you have her near you to help with JD. That's something I really missed - not having a mom in the same state ever, until now.
Kristen - Thanks, I agree. I distinctly remember when I lost Emily that if she could be the last baby ever lost, that I could make that sacrifice knowing nobody would have to go thru what we were. And it was so sad knowing that every day, somebody would be grieving a lost baby, because it just isn't preventable. I think we as mothers would do just about anything to make sure that nobody ever lost a child again. Unfortunately that's just not possible in this life.
Kay - thanks for being such a warm, fun person...even in blogging, I can see you saying it!
Holly - Love ya too babe. I thought of you alot when I wrote that post. I don't remember those days too clearly - but I remember you being there and wanting so badly to do something to help. It was a difficult time and you were a god-send.
Mike - thanks for being such a great husband and friend. You're right :) you don't always have the words, but actions speak louder and are more important anyway, and I know how much all of us mean to you. You can't skip the hardships, but it makes it easier to have you by my side thru them! We've been very blessed with wonderful children and a home filled with love. I love you!
Mickie - you are so sweet to offer go up to Emily's grave. Mike is going to go on Wednesday, so he's got it covered, and I think it would be a long drive after a day at work. But I so appreciate that you were willing. Mike will call me on the phone and we'll do a little long distance prayer together. I always feel kinda sad that we don't get to go on Memorial Day, and believe it or not, that SLC cemetery is one hoppin' joyful place that day, so anytime you or anyone else want to take up some picnic food and a little balloon or bouquet then so Emily and Grandma Pete get a prayer and flowers like all the others there, you'll be surrounded by people doing the same. I was amazed that people go up there like it was a tailgating party that day! I always wonder what our loved ones think of it and if they ever join us there. One time, a friend from a support group went to take flowers the first year we were here in TN and couldn't go. She said she brought a pinwheel and said a little prayer and the pinwheel started spinning even though there was no breeze. So maybe they are aware and appreciate being remembered. I really like to walk or drive around and see so many church leaders' gravestones and what they say. It's pretty cool in a cemetary-sort of way.
Trish, It's not often that other people know how special it is to have their loved ones remembered by name. Thank you so much for your words - it really meant more than I can say. I had no idea that anyone visited Emily besides us. I'm so very touched. I hope you are at the stage in this pregnancy that a fear of miscarriage is over, but I know you said at this point with KK you had to go on bed rest? Take care; I'll be praying for you and the little one. Someday, those of us who have babies, as Mike's post said, that were too pure to be on earth, gained their bodies and returned straight back to the presence of Heavenly Father will be ours to raise...and won't we all be busy then?!
Bobbie - it's so hard to not be scared for others when they are pregnant, and I know so many women in our family have had multiple losses. I always breathe a huge sigh of relief whenever any of you have your baby in your arms safe and sound. I'm so glad you thought of me and Emily while you were prego with JD, and I'm sure it was so incredibly scary going thru the health crisis you had with pregnancy. I feel sad that you can't safely have another pregnancy, but so so so relieved you have JD now. I hope in some small way, maybe being extra careful helped you. Your mom was a big help to me then, and I'm glad you have her near you to help with JD. That's something I really missed - not having a mom in the same state ever, until now.
Kristen - Thanks, I agree. I distinctly remember when I lost Emily that if she could be the last baby ever lost, that I could make that sacrifice knowing nobody would have to go thru what we were. And it was so sad knowing that every day, somebody would be grieving a lost baby, because it just isn't preventable. I think we as mothers would do just about anything to make sure that nobody ever lost a child again. Unfortunately that's just not possible in this life.
Kay - thanks for being such a warm, fun person...even in blogging, I can see you saying it!
Holly - Love ya too babe. I thought of you alot when I wrote that post. I don't remember those days too clearly - but I remember you being there and wanting so badly to do something to help. It was a difficult time and you were a god-send.
Mike - thanks for being such a great husband and friend. You're right :) you don't always have the words, but actions speak louder and are more important anyway, and I know how much all of us mean to you. You can't skip the hardships, but it makes it easier to have you by my side thru them! We've been very blessed with wonderful children and a home filled with love. I love you!
Emily - How do I feel...
One thing I am not very good at is translating my feelings to words. I always seem to get close, but never seem to come up with the right words. Most of the time they are incomplete and rarely present the full picture. However, I will attempt to do so now.
Let me begin with a qoute from Elder Earl C. Tingey:
"The Fall of Adam and Eve brought about two deaths. We are subject to those deaths. Physical death is the separation of the spirit from the physical body. Because of the Fall of Adam, all mankind will suffer physical death. The second death is spiritual. It is separation from God’s presence. Adam and Eve freely conversed with God in the Garden of Eden. After their transgression, they lost that privilege. Thereafter, communication from God came only through faith and sacrifice, combined with heartfelt petitioning. Currently, we are all in the state of spiritual death. We are separated from God. He dwells in heaven; we live on earth."
While I did not learn this concept until I was much older, I believe I recognized it as a child. If we look at death in the pure sense of "separation" which includes the loss of communication, I, as a child, was subjected to several significant separations. I was separated from my natural father before I even knew him. At the age of ten, I was separated from my brothers and sisters and my mother and father. To me, each of these qualifies as a "death".
As a ten year old this was a complete implosion of my world. Everything I knew and loved was being taken from me, how would I survive. I remember sitting in the truck with my dad, Craig, in the driveway of our Castro Valley home as he explained to me that this was what was best for us kids at this time. That this was just a temporary situation. In just a short time, we could see and talk with each other again. This was the last time I spoke with Craig at that time in my life and I remember distinctly saying to him as I got out of the truck, "I will see you when I am 18." I think it was at that point that I realized, I can do this. I have no control over what is happening to me, but I can move on and make the best of what I have. When the time comes, I will have the opportunity to rebuild those relationships if I choose.
To some, it may appear that I am emotionally detached, that death doesn't affect me the way it "should". As far as death is concerned, I believe I am a battle-scarred veteran. Do I hurt, do I grieve for what is lost? YES, but I can only let it do so for a short period of time. Life keeps moving, and I must do the best with what I can control and not let things out of my control tear me down. It is how I survived and who I am.
To continue quoting Elder Tingey:
"The Atonement is an event that enables us to be reconciled to God. The word atonement, or “at-one-ment,” means to restore or to come back. In terms of family, it means to be reunited with one another and with God and His Son, Jesus Christ. It means sadness through separation will become happiness through reuniting."
It is this fact that makes so much sense to me, that this is all temporary, it allows me to accept what may come and still continue on. I know that through the atonement, all will be made whole. We will have those joyous reunions, such reunions have already occurred in my life. I have come to know and love my natural father, Fred. I have been in contact with all but two of my sisters. I am thankful for all those that are still a part of my life, for the strength and support you give.
There has always been one quote that has stayed in my heart when I think of Emily:
"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. … "
Let me begin with a qoute from Elder Earl C. Tingey:
"The Fall of Adam and Eve brought about two deaths. We are subject to those deaths. Physical death is the separation of the spirit from the physical body. Because of the Fall of Adam, all mankind will suffer physical death. The second death is spiritual. It is separation from God’s presence. Adam and Eve freely conversed with God in the Garden of Eden. After their transgression, they lost that privilege. Thereafter, communication from God came only through faith and sacrifice, combined with heartfelt petitioning. Currently, we are all in the state of spiritual death. We are separated from God. He dwells in heaven; we live on earth."
While I did not learn this concept until I was much older, I believe I recognized it as a child. If we look at death in the pure sense of "separation" which includes the loss of communication, I, as a child, was subjected to several significant separations. I was separated from my natural father before I even knew him. At the age of ten, I was separated from my brothers and sisters and my mother and father. To me, each of these qualifies as a "death".
As a ten year old this was a complete implosion of my world. Everything I knew and loved was being taken from me, how would I survive. I remember sitting in the truck with my dad, Craig, in the driveway of our Castro Valley home as he explained to me that this was what was best for us kids at this time. That this was just a temporary situation. In just a short time, we could see and talk with each other again. This was the last time I spoke with Craig at that time in my life and I remember distinctly saying to him as I got out of the truck, "I will see you when I am 18." I think it was at that point that I realized, I can do this. I have no control over what is happening to me, but I can move on and make the best of what I have. When the time comes, I will have the opportunity to rebuild those relationships if I choose.
To some, it may appear that I am emotionally detached, that death doesn't affect me the way it "should". As far as death is concerned, I believe I am a battle-scarred veteran. Do I hurt, do I grieve for what is lost? YES, but I can only let it do so for a short period of time. Life keeps moving, and I must do the best with what I can control and not let things out of my control tear me down. It is how I survived and who I am.
To continue quoting Elder Tingey:
"The Atonement is an event that enables us to be reconciled to God. The word atonement, or “at-one-ment,” means to restore or to come back. In terms of family, it means to be reunited with one another and with God and His Son, Jesus Christ. It means sadness through separation will become happiness through reuniting."
It is this fact that makes so much sense to me, that this is all temporary, it allows me to accept what may come and still continue on. I know that through the atonement, all will be made whole. We will have those joyous reunions, such reunions have already occurred in my life. I have come to know and love my natural father, Fred. I have been in contact with all but two of my sisters. I am thankful for all those that are still a part of my life, for the strength and support you give.
There has always been one quote that has stayed in my heart when I think of Emily:
"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. … "
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Deja Vu - Warning this is an Emo-Post.
Do not read if you are somewhere where you A) don't have alot of time and B) don't want to cry.
Or, scroll down to the end where it's not so sniffly.
* * * * *
I just realized the other day that this year, the dates and the days of the week align exactly the way it was when we lost Emily. It's a weird kind of deja vu that both makes me want to not relive it all, but makes me relive it all because how could you not when it lines up this way?!
I try not to go too maudlin on these anniversaries, but with the circumstances, and other losses in the family, I feel like it's almost like forgetting her by not remembering even if it makes me cry. So read on with tissues, but totally feel free to stop right now...this is for me and Emily and anyone who wants to remember with me.
These anniversaries....you know they are coming, you think you are handling it really well, that this year you won't cry....and then wham! You look at the calendar, you see a daffodil, you see a brand new baby - or a child the same age as she would have been, or you walk in the store and see St. Patrick's day stuff and remember a day 11 years ago. These kind of things really steal your breath and it's like a punch in the heart.
It's been 11 years, and time has definitely made it an easier burden to bear, but some days, like from now until March 19th, will always be tinged with sadness. 11 years ago, Mike left to go out of town and later that day, Sunday March 16th, my back started aching and was not feeling well. I was 7 1/2 months along in my pregnancy. By late Sunday night, I knew something was wrong. I read my pregnancy books and they all said to wait until morning and call the doctor. So I did. It probably wouldn't have made any difference, but still, how I hate that advice!
Everyone out there: If you're pregnant and you think something is wrong - never wait until morning!!! No matter what is wrong - you are worth any inconvenience to friends and family - and healthcare people are paid to be at work 24/7! Go in! Don't delay! Feel silly or embarrassed later, wear that Drama Queen tiara with pride.
On that Monday, St. Patrick's Day, I was very nervous and tried not to be short tempered with Indy and Taryn. I was dropping them off at preschool and Taryn at a friends, so I could go to the hospital and find out why the baby wasn't moving. As we left the house, I noticed my first daffodil blooming that we planted the previous Fall in the front yard. To say that my world came crashing down, reminiscent now of the trade towers collapsing in 2001, is just the tip of the iceberg.
It must have been at the same moment that I saw the little baby's heart not beating on the ultrasound, that Mike by some miracle, felt the need to call, but wasn't sure who or where. Remember this was before everyone and their kids all had cell phones. I think Linda told Ray to get ahold of Mike somehow. Mike called in to the customer he was to see the next day, and they said something to the effect of everyone is looking for you. Next thing I knew, Mike was on the phone at the hospital, literally within 20 minutes of me finding out Emily was gone. Even though we found on the 17th, it took until the 19th to deliver our stillborn baby. So, sometimes I feel like it takes all 3 days to get past an emotional time for me.
Today we went to church with Grammy. I want the kids to know what other churches do on special religious holidays that I rather feel we overlook. Maybe it's the convert in me, but when it's Holy Week, Easter, Christmas....it should look, feel, and sound like it! As we listened to a re-enactment of Judas' betrayal, the trial, Pontius Pilot washing his hands of the execution of an innocent man, of Peter's denial, and Jesus' cruxifiction, I stopped to think of how this year, when Easter happens the same week as Emily's death - it's almost surreal to relate to what it must have been like for Christ's apostles those 3 days he was gone. I am so thankful for the Atonement and the miracle that I experienced after losing Emily because I found out in a real and personal way that Christ knows us and our sufferings personally, that he willingly took them upon himself, with the sins of all mankind, to succor us in our time of need, and to make it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father, our babies, our brothers and sisters, moms and dads, grandparents; to be with our families in such joy after all we have experienced in our lives.
So...whew! that'll clear out the room fast, won't it?! Wow - I doubt anyone but Mike is still with me. If you are - wow - thanks, for feeling my pain with me! I know your thoughts and prayers give me strength.
Here we are today. So much farther than I ever thought I'd be able to realize. I plant daffodils every year, for happy reasons that always remind me of when Mike and I were a couple, and sad reasons - for my Emily, and to help me remember how far I've come from the time before I ever knew what sorrow really was. I have 2 cute little daffodils on the back porch in bloom right now, the rest, just like everything under God's Plan, will come about when they are ready. The year after we lost Emily, my daffodils bloomed really early, what was it around Feb. 15th? a few days before Mariah was born, maybe a week at most...and I cut them all and we took them to her grave, a month before the anniversary of her death because I was pregnant and due at the same week of Emily's day - March 19th., and didn't know what would happen, but I definitely didn't want to leave her grave unattended on her first Emily's Day as we call it.
Heavenly Father has a way of taking care of you sometimes that you don't realize - Mariah came right after that - a whole month early - on February 19th. So I didn't have to deal with bringing a baby into the world at the same time as grieving the one He took back.
And, once again, Mike is in Utah during the week of Emily's death...it's bittersweet, because he almost always is gone away this week, just like when she died, and I struggle through it alone (both unhappy he's gone and happy that I'm by myself to mourn, at least as alone as you can be surrounded by kids *and a mom* who have interrupted like 5 times while I'm writing this - and I'm glad he's there to take care of her grave - it's so comforting in a morbid kind of way - unless you've lost someone who was deep in your heart, you just don't see how, but it is). We even have pictures - same grave, different flowers, balloons, pinwheels, kids getting older as the years go by. All to be able to take a moment to pray in remembrance and with the faith that we'll be together again.
And that's just the way life is. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Or, scroll down to the end where it's not so sniffly.
* * * * *
I just realized the other day that this year, the dates and the days of the week align exactly the way it was when we lost Emily. It's a weird kind of deja vu that both makes me want to not relive it all, but makes me relive it all because how could you not when it lines up this way?!
I try not to go too maudlin on these anniversaries, but with the circumstances, and other losses in the family, I feel like it's almost like forgetting her by not remembering even if it makes me cry. So read on with tissues, but totally feel free to stop right now...this is for me and Emily and anyone who wants to remember with me.
These anniversaries....you know they are coming, you think you are handling it really well, that this year you won't cry....and then wham! You look at the calendar, you see a daffodil, you see a brand new baby - or a child the same age as she would have been, or you walk in the store and see St. Patrick's day stuff and remember a day 11 years ago. These kind of things really steal your breath and it's like a punch in the heart.
It's been 11 years, and time has definitely made it an easier burden to bear, but some days, like from now until March 19th, will always be tinged with sadness. 11 years ago, Mike left to go out of town and later that day, Sunday March 16th, my back started aching and was not feeling well. I was 7 1/2 months along in my pregnancy. By late Sunday night, I knew something was wrong. I read my pregnancy books and they all said to wait until morning and call the doctor. So I did. It probably wouldn't have made any difference, but still, how I hate that advice!
Everyone out there: If you're pregnant and you think something is wrong - never wait until morning!!! No matter what is wrong - you are worth any inconvenience to friends and family - and healthcare people are paid to be at work 24/7! Go in! Don't delay! Feel silly or embarrassed later, wear that Drama Queen tiara with pride.
On that Monday, St. Patrick's Day, I was very nervous and tried not to be short tempered with Indy and Taryn. I was dropping them off at preschool and Taryn at a friends, so I could go to the hospital and find out why the baby wasn't moving. As we left the house, I noticed my first daffodil blooming that we planted the previous Fall in the front yard. To say that my world came crashing down, reminiscent now of the trade towers collapsing in 2001, is just the tip of the iceberg.
It must have been at the same moment that I saw the little baby's heart not beating on the ultrasound, that Mike by some miracle, felt the need to call, but wasn't sure who or where. Remember this was before everyone and their kids all had cell phones. I think Linda told Ray to get ahold of Mike somehow. Mike called in to the customer he was to see the next day, and they said something to the effect of everyone is looking for you. Next thing I knew, Mike was on the phone at the hospital, literally within 20 minutes of me finding out Emily was gone. Even though we found on the 17th, it took until the 19th to deliver our stillborn baby. So, sometimes I feel like it takes all 3 days to get past an emotional time for me.
Today we went to church with Grammy. I want the kids to know what other churches do on special religious holidays that I rather feel we overlook. Maybe it's the convert in me, but when it's Holy Week, Easter, Christmas....it should look, feel, and sound like it! As we listened to a re-enactment of Judas' betrayal, the trial, Pontius Pilot washing his hands of the execution of an innocent man, of Peter's denial, and Jesus' cruxifiction, I stopped to think of how this year, when Easter happens the same week as Emily's death - it's almost surreal to relate to what it must have been like for Christ's apostles those 3 days he was gone. I am so thankful for the Atonement and the miracle that I experienced after losing Emily because I found out in a real and personal way that Christ knows us and our sufferings personally, that he willingly took them upon himself, with the sins of all mankind, to succor us in our time of need, and to make it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father, our babies, our brothers and sisters, moms and dads, grandparents; to be with our families in such joy after all we have experienced in our lives.
So...whew! that'll clear out the room fast, won't it?! Wow - I doubt anyone but Mike is still with me. If you are - wow - thanks, for feeling my pain with me! I know your thoughts and prayers give me strength.
Here we are today. So much farther than I ever thought I'd be able to realize. I plant daffodils every year, for happy reasons that always remind me of when Mike and I were a couple, and sad reasons - for my Emily, and to help me remember how far I've come from the time before I ever knew what sorrow really was. I have 2 cute little daffodils on the back porch in bloom right now, the rest, just like everything under God's Plan, will come about when they are ready. The year after we lost Emily, my daffodils bloomed really early, what was it around Feb. 15th? a few days before Mariah was born, maybe a week at most...and I cut them all and we took them to her grave, a month before the anniversary of her death because I was pregnant and due at the same week of Emily's day - March 19th., and didn't know what would happen, but I definitely didn't want to leave her grave unattended on her first Emily's Day as we call it.
Heavenly Father has a way of taking care of you sometimes that you don't realize - Mariah came right after that - a whole month early - on February 19th. So I didn't have to deal with bringing a baby into the world at the same time as grieving the one He took back.
And, once again, Mike is in Utah during the week of Emily's death...it's bittersweet, because he almost always is gone away this week, just like when she died, and I struggle through it alone (both unhappy he's gone and happy that I'm by myself to mourn, at least as alone as you can be surrounded by kids *and a mom* who have interrupted like 5 times while I'm writing this - and I'm glad he's there to take care of her grave - it's so comforting in a morbid kind of way - unless you've lost someone who was deep in your heart, you just don't see how, but it is). We even have pictures - same grave, different flowers, balloons, pinwheels, kids getting older as the years go by. All to be able to take a moment to pray in remembrance and with the faith that we'll be together again.
And that's just the way life is. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Brainshare
Normally I only get to go to Brainshare every two years and this year is my off year. However, one guy had to back out so they said I could take his place. Not sure if this will mean I skip next year. Will be at Art's late Saturday night, then in SLC Sunday afternoon through Friday afternoon, back to Art's for Friday and Saturday night, and leave Sunday morning.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Bye Bye Birdie
We went to see the play last night. It was great, the girls were fabulous. Indy said it was better than Thursday. The Friday night performance got canceled due to the "Blizzard", but they may add another performance. They are about an hour away from starting the matinee performance today. This would normally be the last performance, but we won't know until tomorrow if they get one more. Enjoy the pictures, I took 250 of them.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Real Snow!
(Mike wanted to call this post "Winter's Last Gasp!" I said NO)
We had what I would call "real snow" last night. It probably snowed about 2" in an hour which doesn't happen often in our area.
Indy got her first driving in the snow experience. I suggested she come home around 8 pm - which was met with the usual eye rolling and remarks that she needs to learn to drive in the snow in case she goes off to college where it will snow! So, as decided, we spoke again at 8 pm and Indy agreed to head home around 9 pm because it had been freezing rain and was just starting to snow, with temps dropping below 32. Apparently, her boyfriends family was appalled that we let Indy drive home. I gave her my best snow driving 101 over the phone, and she was relieved when I told her snow on top of ice was better than driving on ice. Once she got down the onramp to the freeway, we hung up after I told her to take her best guess at where the lane was and to keep her speed down. I waited by the window, not really nervous, but just wanting to know the second she made it home. Just about the time that I was starting to think she should be here, I remembered I forgot to tell Indy to power up the hill for momentum. I called her just in time. Her headlights appeared and the mom in me breathed a sigh of relief. Snow doesn't bother me, it's the ice I worry about.
Indy had fun relating her discovery that when your car is covered in snow, it is NOT a good idea to roll down the window to get it off because half of it lands on YOU! She had a wet seat for the drive home!
We had about 4" of snow when the cats went outside this morning. Here's a great shot of Pixie who was running around like a nut in the snow.
We had what I would call "real snow" last night. It probably snowed about 2" in an hour which doesn't happen often in our area.
Indy got her first driving in the snow experience. I suggested she come home around 8 pm - which was met with the usual eye rolling and remarks that she needs to learn to drive in the snow in case she goes off to college where it will snow! So, as decided, we spoke again at 8 pm and Indy agreed to head home around 9 pm because it had been freezing rain and was just starting to snow, with temps dropping below 32. Apparently, her boyfriends family was appalled that we let Indy drive home. I gave her my best snow driving 101 over the phone, and she was relieved when I told her snow on top of ice was better than driving on ice. Once she got down the onramp to the freeway, we hung up after I told her to take her best guess at where the lane was and to keep her speed down. I waited by the window, not really nervous, but just wanting to know the second she made it home. Just about the time that I was starting to think she should be here, I remembered I forgot to tell Indy to power up the hill for momentum. I called her just in time. Her headlights appeared and the mom in me breathed a sigh of relief. Snow doesn't bother me, it's the ice I worry about.
Indy had fun relating her discovery that when your car is covered in snow, it is NOT a good idea to roll down the window to get it off because half of it lands on YOU! She had a wet seat for the drive home!
We had about 4" of snow when the cats went outside this morning. Here's a great shot of Pixie who was running around like a nut in the snow.
Bunko?? I don't think so....
Roughly 3 or 4 times a year a bunch of the guys from work get together for a tournament style, Texas Hold'em, Poker night. Last night it was held here at our house, which is conveniently 2 miles from the office. We had 15 players at 2 tables. One guy talks a lot a smack and for some reason has an excess of luck when it comes to poker, so one of the other players offered a $20 bounty for taking this guy out of the game. Gib was very interested and was watching me play, wishing he could join in the big boys game. Turns out that one of the players at my table had to leave, so he went "all in" expecting to lose, but ends up doubling his stack. Still he had to leave so we decided to let Gib take over his spot. Talk about excited! I was the first one out, so I got to watch Gib play. He did very well, thanks to the Hoyle computer card game he used to play all the time. Anyhow, Gib ends up taking out the guy that had a bounty on his head and pocketed $20. One of the guys immediately emailed everyone at the office from his blackberry announcing that Jon was taken out by a 12 yr old. It was great. As players fell out, the game was consolidated to a table of 10 and Gib was still in the mix. He was going strong, but ended up losing most of his chips on a hand that he held pocket Aces, but the other player pulled a hand of three fives on the river card. Gib ended up in 6th place out of 15. Chrissie said Gib better not end up in Gamblers Anonymous.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Toll House Pie
Here you go Kristin (and Chocolate Chip lovers everywhere)
1 cup butter (I used Crisco shortening)
2 eggs
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 c. chocolate chips
1/2 c. pecans (optional)
1 9" deep dish pie shell, unbaked
Combine butter, eggs, flour and sugars; mix well with electric mixer. Fold in chocolate chips and pecans. Pour into piecrust and bake at 325 for 1 hr. Serve warm, topped with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. (Or send to school in your kids' lunch box if they ate popcorn instead of this yummy pie!)
1 cup butter (I used Crisco shortening)
2 eggs
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 c. chocolate chips
1/2 c. pecans (optional)
1 9" deep dish pie shell, unbaked
Combine butter, eggs, flour and sugars; mix well with electric mixer. Fold in chocolate chips and pecans. Pour into piecrust and bake at 325 for 1 hr. Serve warm, topped with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. (Or send to school in your kids' lunch box if they ate popcorn instead of this yummy pie!)
Bye Bye Birdie
Tonight is opening night for the high school musical of "Bye Bye Birdie"!!
Indy is playing Margie and is in the chorus, Taryn is also in the chorus. The girls said last night's dress rehearsal went great and they are ready. The play runs Thursday thru Sunday.
We're going to the Saturday performance. I like to let them have a performance or two before going, because when I was in ballet productions, I always felt a ton more nervous when I knew someone in the audience. If it was possible to sneak in and not let them know I was there, I'd do it!! I'm really looking forward to seeing my girls in a play again together. It's almost as fun as watching them play on the same soccer team! (The only thing that makes the soccer more fun is watching Indy take someone out who was too agressive with her sister!)
Side note: Another little "m" for me last night. Bummer. But still, it's alot better than a big ol' giant M.
Indy is playing Margie and is in the chorus, Taryn is also in the chorus. The girls said last night's dress rehearsal went great and they are ready. The play runs Thursday thru Sunday.
We're going to the Saturday performance. I like to let them have a performance or two before going, because when I was in ballet productions, I always felt a ton more nervous when I knew someone in the audience. If it was possible to sneak in and not let them know I was there, I'd do it!! I'm really looking forward to seeing my girls in a play again together. It's almost as fun as watching them play on the same soccer team! (The only thing that makes the soccer more fun is watching Indy take someone out who was too agressive with her sister!)
Side note: Another little "m" for me last night. Bummer. But still, it's alot better than a big ol' giant M.
25-50 degrees off
I baked PIES yesterday! Mike was so funny when he came home and saw an Apple Blueberry with Crumb Topping and a Toll House Pie on the counter. He looked so puzzled, then he went the route of did someone bring us??? And then he noticed the baking sheets and put 2 and 2 together and, almost insultingly, in disbelief exclaimed "You Baked?!" Ha ha - they are really good pies too.
The story behind the pies:
Part One: I tried to break my oven (while it's still under the 1 yr warranty that came with the house) by using the handy self-clean option (it always broke my other oven) - because the temp is off by about 25-50 degrees, which can seriously affect the timing and doneness of whatever you're baking. And it was cool and windy yesterday, so I could open windows while heating up and smelling up the entire house. We have a bottom oven plus my mom's in the event it did break. It still works, darn it, 25-50 degrees off too.
Part Two: For Thanksgiving, I thought I'd make a pie or two. Didn't happen, but I had purchased the ingredients. My friend Lara needed almond paste, and I just so happened to have it on my pantry shelf gathering dust. She only needed a couple tablespoons, so she returned the unused portion. After looking at it sitting so forlornly in my fridge the past couple weeks, and having one of those Visiting Teaching appts right smack dab in the middle of my day - which meant I couldn't go anywhere, I decided, what the heck, let's make pie! I'm sure my VT'ers thought I was a nut, excusing myself several times to check on the pie progress. As soon as they left, I threw together the Toll House pie since I had 2 pie crusts. I figured my kids would like it better than the fruit pie. Wow - who knew it only takes like 10 minutes to throw together a chocolate chip pie?!
As soon as that pie was out of the oven, in went the lasagna's I signed up to take to the Theater kids for their dinner last night. So my oven was on for like 6 hours! Still works, 25-50 degrees off.
Mariah was the only one who sampled the Toll House pie last night (Can you believe that!?! They had popcorn instead. What's wrong with these people?) - it's not like my pies are horrible either! So today they all have a slice of it in their lunch bags. It's a case of bringing the mountain to mohammed. I balanced it with pretzels, peanut butter, carrots and celery. Am I not the most wonderful mother and homemaker in Tennessee or what?!
The story behind the pies:
Part One: I tried to break my oven (while it's still under the 1 yr warranty that came with the house) by using the handy self-clean option (it always broke my other oven) - because the temp is off by about 25-50 degrees, which can seriously affect the timing and doneness of whatever you're baking. And it was cool and windy yesterday, so I could open windows while heating up and smelling up the entire house. We have a bottom oven plus my mom's in the event it did break. It still works, darn it, 25-50 degrees off too.
Part Two: For Thanksgiving, I thought I'd make a pie or two. Didn't happen, but I had purchased the ingredients. My friend Lara needed almond paste, and I just so happened to have it on my pantry shelf gathering dust. She only needed a couple tablespoons, so she returned the unused portion. After looking at it sitting so forlornly in my fridge the past couple weeks, and having one of those Visiting Teaching appts right smack dab in the middle of my day - which meant I couldn't go anywhere, I decided, what the heck, let's make pie! I'm sure my VT'ers thought I was a nut, excusing myself several times to check on the pie progress. As soon as they left, I threw together the Toll House pie since I had 2 pie crusts. I figured my kids would like it better than the fruit pie. Wow - who knew it only takes like 10 minutes to throw together a chocolate chip pie?!
As soon as that pie was out of the oven, in went the lasagna's I signed up to take to the Theater kids for their dinner last night. So my oven was on for like 6 hours! Still works, 25-50 degrees off.
Mariah was the only one who sampled the Toll House pie last night (Can you believe that!?! They had popcorn instead. What's wrong with these people?) - it's not like my pies are horrible either! So today they all have a slice of it in their lunch bags. It's a case of bringing the mountain to mohammed. I balanced it with pretzels, peanut butter, carrots and celery. Am I not the most wonderful mother and homemaker in Tennessee or what?!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Little m's
Yay! I have only two teeny tiny little m's and no big M's on my calendar since starting the new migraine meds. The big capital M's were major migraines. I take a pill every night, luckily it's a cheap generic, and I have a different med if I take for break-thru migraines. That $5 pill for little m's hurt more than the actual headache! But hey, it worked, I didn't lose two days of my life, so there you go. I'm happy, happy, happy to say that so far, no cravings and no weight gain...and, nobody's come close to dying, so it's all good!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Spring is here!
Spring is here; today and yesterday were no jacket days. Planting has begun. The earth moving work is complete. Still have irrigation to do, but that doesn't stop the planting. Many trees have been added. In the picture, Chrissie is planting the first of three Forsythias.
Indoor soccer is now finished. I got some pictures of Taryn during her last game. She played goalie the first game and assisted the other team with their scoreless effort! She likes to play goalie, but her size does not allow this in outdoor games. She takes advantage of the opportunity in the indoor arena. She played forward in the second game due to a jammed finger from the first and scored a goal. Her team finished second for the season. Indy's indoor team took first with an 11-1 record and 106 of a possible 120 points. I never remembered to bring the camera to her games. Spring outdoor season begins next Saturday. Indy and Taryn play on the same team in outdoor.
Bye, Bye, Birdie is in crunch time. Indy and Taryn were at practice from 10am to 5pm yesterday and will practice after school till 10pm Monday thru Wednesday. Opening night is Thursday. We will be attending the Saturday night performance.
Mariah has lost another tooth and has pocketed the monetary reward. She can't have but a few more left that need to go. She has been invited to three birthday parties in the span of one week. This is social heaven for her.
Gib has decided to tryout for track and field at the middle school. Tryouts are this upcoming week. He should do well. All of our kids have some speed. This was certainly inherited from Chrissie, because I never had it.
Indoor soccer is now finished. I got some pictures of Taryn during her last game. She played goalie the first game and assisted the other team with their scoreless effort! She likes to play goalie, but her size does not allow this in outdoor games. She takes advantage of the opportunity in the indoor arena. She played forward in the second game due to a jammed finger from the first and scored a goal. Her team finished second for the season. Indy's indoor team took first with an 11-1 record and 106 of a possible 120 points. I never remembered to bring the camera to her games. Spring outdoor season begins next Saturday. Indy and Taryn play on the same team in outdoor.
Bye, Bye, Birdie is in crunch time. Indy and Taryn were at practice from 10am to 5pm yesterday and will practice after school till 10pm Monday thru Wednesday. Opening night is Thursday. We will be attending the Saturday night performance.
Mariah has lost another tooth and has pocketed the monetary reward. She can't have but a few more left that need to go. She has been invited to three birthday parties in the span of one week. This is social heaven for her.
Gib has decided to tryout for track and field at the middle school. Tryouts are this upcoming week. He should do well. All of our kids have some speed. This was certainly inherited from Chrissie, because I never had it.
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